Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Sabbatical #4: Half Day Retreat


The Spiritual Formation Forum started today with a half day retreat with an optional “Receiving the Love of God.” Much of the way through I was frustrated that there was a bunch of talking and not much solitude, which is what I was expecting. But when it all came around, it was a great time of personal challenge for me. The guide gave us several ways we can “block” God’s love for us – busyness, shame, “idols,” etc… with accompanying pictures for us to meditate upon. I chose “isolation/loneliness.”

I usually don’t mind being alone. I kind of like it. Some people hate eating alone and think it sad that someone would go to a movie alone. The only reason I wouldn’t do either of those is because others think it too weird. I have no problem with it. But this comfort with being alone hurts me in many ways.

While I am surrounded by a loving family and church, I don’t plumb the depths of relationships well. I have many cordial relationships, but few of a transforming depth. I’m not sure I know how to get there. Not sure I want to, at least really want to. Kind of a bummer, huh?

But more of a downer is the fact that this hinders me receiving God’s love because He often speaks His love through other people – as He did to me and Suzanne through Cypress Church last Sunday. I’m grateful for the friendships that are growing in my small group on Sunday evenings, and I imagine those are the soil from which even deeper relationships will grow. But I realize I do need those deeper relationships. I just don’t look forward to the awkward (at least it feels that way to me) formation of those relationships.

Here’s the list of “blockages” to receiving God’s love.


Busyness/Pace of Life
Distortions of God’s Image
Storms/Tension/Pain
Shame
Counterfeits (things you use to fill you instead of God)
Isolation/Loneliness
Which one might it be for you?

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